i almost feel as though any moment i feel a surge of sentiment fizzling, i need to combat the frantic tide as any old good new yorker would do. but with "maturity" comes the realization that bottling up these sorts of feelings can lead to overzealous disasters and major regret. I made a pledge long ago that i would never look back with regret(and subsequently broken that pact far far too many times) but the last thing i want to do is leave here like a sterilized robot and let my subconscious defensive mechanisms enable me to deny savoring my last moments with the people i love so much in this place i love so much. so for right now ill just embrace the barrage of emotions and let reality settle in for these last five days here in oklahoma.
Friday, December 27, 2013
so my writing patterns have been all but consistent, and I think by now we can firmly come to understand that communication is not my strong suit. but its finally time to make some changes and the major transformation I'm about to belly flop into is a mecca north to NYC. If moving half of a country away isn't a big enough deal in and of itself, what amplifies the stress is the fact that this decision was made less than two weeks ago. so for the past say 9 days I've been frantically bombarded by an endless "to do" list--so to the point that i haven't even taking a moment to grapple with the whirlwind of emotions i feel in making this major life change.